An Understudy Takes the Stage, by Aynsley Upton
It’s always daunting to accept an understudy role- there’s a moment before accepting that contract where you think, “can I do this?” but that itch to accept any opportunity takes over your anxious doubts, especially for a show like Cabaret. Approaching auditions, I kept thinking “I don’t care where you put me. I just want to do this show.” Cut to: auditions, callbacks, a phone call with Bernie...
“We’d like to offer you the part of Frenchie in the Kit Kat ensemble.”
“I’m thrilled to accept!! Thank you.”
“Oh also, what do you think about being Sally Bowles understudy?”
“Are you kidding? Uh...yes ok, I can do that!”
I’ve never understudied before, so as rehearsals began I only had an idea of what the process might be. You watch, take as many notes as possible, maybe one day you get a rehearsal on stage to get it in your body, and that’s it- Oh! And you have to learn your actual track as Frenchie. Luckily, this was a well run process, filled with some of the most lovely people I’ve ever worked with, thanks to our creative team. After week-long dance rehearsals the majority of the ensemble would get a night off, but those of us understudying would come take notes while the principals blocked scenes. During those principal rehearsals I was given opportunities to run scenes as Sally, but for the most part my process was to write it all down and get to it later. There’s choreography to learn first.
Those first few weeks of rehearsal were purely dedicated to dancing and creating the atmosphere of the Kit Kat Klub, while thinking in the back of my mind “I gotta learn my lines. But not until I can do ‘Don’t Tell Mama’ without thinking about what step comes next.” As we started getting into runs and I felt comfortable in my ensemble track, I was finally able to use my downtime to study the scenes. Understudying is tough, full transparency, but getting to learn a role by watching someone like Abby made it so much easier. She took on this role with grace, strength, and so much passion that I couldn’t help but absorb what she put into the character. Even the rest of the cast (who weren’t tasked with learning the role) could feel it- she walked into the room on day 1 understanding Sally, and seeing how she maneuvered through the complexities of this character helped me understand it better myself. I really admired and looked up to her. I saw someone looking inside themselves to bring Sally to life. And that’s what I had to do to create my version. Bernie told the understudies early on in the process that he wants us to create our version of the characters. That gave me permission to not only learn and absorb, but actually create something of my own, born out of my own connections to this character and story. I will be forever grateful not only to Bernie, but to Abby for giving me the space to do that.
The fun thing about being an understudy is you almost have this little secret. You eventually know the lines, the blocking, the twists and turns of the plot, but you don’t know if you will ever be able to play it out yourself and feel the emotions of a journey like Sally Bowles. It's a different game knowing the lines versus getting on stage and living through the lines.
Then it’s a Friday night show, 15 minutes before curtain with an audience out there, you’re in costume for your ensemble track, and the stage manager says,
“You’re going on. What do you need right now?”
“I need to call my sister to see if she can come, and I need five minutes to catch my breath.”
My sister was free that night, and I caught my breath. Every single person on the creative team pulled me aside at one point to check in, to let me know I’ve got his. Before places is called, Bernie asks one more time,
“What do you need?”
“I think I just need to do it and stop thinking about what I need.”
“Okay,” and I think he gave me a thumbs up.
I have yet to experience so much support in one room. Every single member of the cast approached me at least twice, offering pep talks, line runs, anything I needed to feel confident. My absolutely incredible scene partner Grant would constantly take me aside to say “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”
And he truly did. Several times he used little nods to give me new blocking I didn’t previously know about; whether he used his eyes or a small push to move me to where I needed to be, and he truly had my back. As did everyone in that room.
I don’t think I stopped shaking until I was home and asleep in bed that night. But I couldn't have asked for a better environment to take on an understudy role. The audience was incredibly kind, a very gracious group of people to share that experience with. And long story short, with much more notice than 15 minutes, I ended up going on again that Sunday. Our dear Abby needed more rest to finish out this run strongly- as she’s currently doing! Literally bringing the house down each night like she never needed an appendix anyways. The Sunday show felt much more stable, much more lived in, and I was able to let go of the nerves and tell a story I’ve been ready to share. My sister was able to see this one, too, coincidentally having tickets for that show already. It’s been very special getting to share this with her in the audience both nights.
I am deeply grateful for this experience for so many reasons. It’s proven to me yet again that our theater community is characterized by it’s unending support between artists. It’s taught me that being over prepared is always better than being underprepared (who would’ve thought). And finally, it’s shown me that taking on a responsibility that feels scary and daunting can be truly gratifying in the end. I want to thank Vintage Theatre, everyone involved in this process, and those coming to see Cabaret for their kindness. It will live in me for the rest of my life.